The Angus Diaries
They say, “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.” (Look it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you%27re_a_dog.)
Of course, they’re not really talking about me, Angus. I am a canine, but I’m not a dog. I’m a poodle. And please don’t call me a French poodle. I hate the French.
No, we poodles come from Germany. Our proper name is Pudelhund. My Papa Pudel instructed me at an early age that if anyone ever called me a French poodle, I should say, “Ich bin ein Pudelhund, echt deutsch.” (He was a great fan of T.S. Eliot’s poetry, but only the German bits; look it up – http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176735.) My Papa also taught me this jolly little song the Germans sing about poodles:
Es war einmal ein Pudelhund
Es war einmal ein Pudelhund
ein kleine Pudel Hund.
– ein klein Pudel Hund.
Here are some Germans singing about us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw2r1x3mb70. So jolly! It just makes you want to jump up and twirl around, doesn’t it? Yes it does! Ok, I will!
Where was I? Oh, you probably wonder how I got on the Internet? Well, Rocket, the black miniature poodle around the corner, spends most of his spare time on his giant family’s computer. He just told me about this amazing new app. It translates any canine language into any of the major human languages, and I am using it now on Brother Luke’s laptop. The computer’s camera captures all those ever-so-cute little body motions I speak with in my native language. Then through the miracle of modern software, my words are translated into English. Amazing! Now my giant family will understand me better! This is so exciting! Excuse me while I take a little twirl.
What was I talking about – my native language? Just to be clear, I don’t mean Dog. Our language is Pudlische. Very different from Dog. In fact, Pudlische is a dialect of German, adapted of course to adorable poodle anatomy (waggable pom-pom tail, twitchable nose, cutely cocking head, canine vocal chords, etc.).
That’s not to say I haven’t learned a little Dog. Actually, I think there’s only a little Dog to learn. Just a handful of key words – “eat,” “drink,” “pee,” “hump,” “poop,” “bad dog,” maybe a few others. As far as I can tell, Dog seems pretty simple.
Pudlische, on the other hand, is a proper language, just like German or (so they tell me) English. We have lots of words. More words than I can count. In Pudlische, you can talk about ideas, and that’s what we poodles do, we talk about Big Ideas. No one talks Big Ideas in Dog, not as far as I can tell.
What kind of big ideas do we poodles talk about? How about the Internet! How about this amazing new translation app!! How about blogging!!! Yes, Rocket told me that Brother Luke has started a new blog, and he told me how to find Luke’s blog site on the Internet.
Rocket also said, “Luke’s blog is – how can I put this? – BORING.”
Rocket might be less cranky, in my opinion, if he spent more time scampering around in the yard and less time staring at his computer all day. But I have to agree: Brother Luke’s blog site needs some help. And I am just the poodle to help him. So I am sneaking onto his laptop while he is at work and starting my very own blog on his site. The Angus Diaries! Like the title? I do!
I’m so excited about my new discovery! But I think it has tuckered me out a little. I will retire now to one of my several soft beds for a little nap. But don’t worry, faithful readers, I’ll be back soon! I have so much more to say!
I’m not saying I’m holier than you, necessarily. But take a look at this –
Proof that I am a Blessed Animal! Certified for one whole year!
I had so much fun at the Blessing of the Animals at the Cleveland Park Congregational Church, my giant family’s church. Lots of new dog friends! I especially liked Sam, a Labradoodle. He’s the same color as I am, but just a little bigger. Well, maybe five times bigger. He was the only one there who could explain things to me in Pudlische, because of course he’s a half-breed like my preppy Goldendoodle friend Murphy, and so he speaks both Dog and Pudlische. I remembered not to call him a half-breed, of course. Social skills! And he was so nice to me.
And his giantess, the one they call Pastorellen, made me feel so happy and peaceful. She laid her hand softly on me and said something in a lovely voice, and I felt so wonderful, I just had to kiss her hand.
Sam explained that what Pastorellen said to me was this: “May you be happy, may you be peaceful, and may you be well cared for all the days of your life.” Sounds good to me! No wonder I felt like a great Spirit had descended on me.
Sam says Pastorellen also blesses the people at the Cleveland Park Congregational Church on Sundays. This is good for daDada, in my opinion, to make him less grumpy. Sam says lots of the giants who are members of that church belong to dogs or poodles, and they love canines. Good group! Everyone in my neighborhood should go to this church!
Sam also told me that some rodents got blessed at the service last year. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m glad this year it was just canines. I might not have been as well behaved if rodents were there. I would have been tempted to grab one in my powerful poodle jaws and rahrrahrrahrRAHR shake shake SHAKE him until he squeaked for mercy! I’m not saying I actually would have done that. But I might not have acted so peaceful and happy after Pastorellen blessed me.
But I did try to be peaceful and loving of all my fellow Creatures after I got blessed. On my way home with daMama and daDada, a squirrel chattered disrespectful things at me. Did I lunge after him and jump jump JUMP up the tree trunk and snarl at him in Pudlische, “Listen here, Rodent Breath, you don’t know who you’re messing with. I am a certified Blessed Animal for a whole year! You are heathen dogmeat!”
NO! I did not! I just turned my cheek and kept on prance prance prancing all the way home. Because I am a Blessed Animal.
Not that I didn’t want to chase that nasty squirrel. Really really wanted to. I could have loved my follow Creature much more easily after I’d given him a little rahrrahrrahrRAHR shake shake SHAKE to make him more lovable.
KIDDING! But this holiness is hard work. I think I need to find one of my soft beds and curl up for a little nap.